empathy

i think of the days when 'moral education' used to be a subject we had to take in primary school. now that i think of it, this is one subject we all need to revise at this point in time. no other day in time have i ever actually given this a thought and realized how important it is. however, some part of me thinks this subject can be highly debated. 

i think of why the world is the way it is, why we are the way we are, and why i am how i am. this is what got me thinking. i think of how i react to things in my day. when I've got company, i'm the most friendly, easy to approach happy person, but when i'm by myself it's like i'm a completely different person, i become sceptical, i get easily pissed off at what people are doing, I change back to my compassionate self when i see people being clumsy or when i can relate to the situation they're in, but little things like when someone walks on their right side instead of left will easily piss me off. i think of why is it that i let these little things get to me and why cant i keep my happy self when i'm the one accompanying me. my personality is very easily affected by people's energy, however, i don't think it's their energy that makes me behave this way but rather because of an emotion i close up on when i'm by myself. empathy. 

the definition that came up when i searched for empathy read- the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. empathy, which is what i felt i lacked when i'm by myself. is it all the dangers and terrifying news in the world that makes me this way or do we just not know how to empathize towards others. none of us actually lack the ability to empathise, be it with your friend, family, animal, a movie character, the environment, these are all proof that we do have the ability in us, yet we fail to use it at the most important time, when we're out there in the world at our most vulnerable. we've learnt how to empathize towards people we know, but the even more important part where we need to be using empathy towards other people we see on our day to day life has never actually been established to us. if you think of it, empathy is essential. i highly stress on the essential part. 

right now the world needs environment protection, human protection, asset protection, so much more. we've all been taught to guard ourselves so much that we close the world off and just observe and pass comments on it. we fail to empathize. forget reality and think of this for a moment, say if we'd grown up being taught to empathize, we'd probably have been very considerate of how our actions affected others, how it affected other beings, and our very own mother nature. maybe we would've been more aware of how we're using our words towards others, we'd have been more considerate of people's feelings, we'd be more accepting, we'd forgive easy, we'd fight less, we'd be more conscious of how we're using energy and resources, maybe the world would've been a better place. but there's no point just visualizing maybes and not acting on it. I wouldn't say i'm the kindest person you'll come across but I try, I think we all should, baby steps towards a kinder version of us, for ourselves.

back to moral education, I think of how things would have been if it existed in our schools, universities and even workplace. nothing strict but a simple reminder every once in a while that brings out the human in us. the world is so messed up right now and so are priorities. it would be nice if there was someone who reminded you that we're human, and it's okay to make mistakes, to take a break, to change our minds, to be kind to ourselves and others, to value emotions, feelings. always on the run, chasing this dream we call ambition, but in reality it's just fear in disguise. so scared of if the world will leave us behind, we try our best to get where we're going, we forget to be alive, to express, to feel, to stop and absorb. the best reminder we can find for this, is our entire sole self. take care of yourself first. 

this writing has been a little all over the place cause my thoughts around this topic is such a massive blur of so many things, and this is me just venting out just a little bit of it, have a beautiful day and thank you for being here

prelude

disclaimer: writing after ages. notice this time, i've completely skipped the grammar side of things. the reason, not because i'm trying to seem rebellious of any sort, but because it feels a bit more personal and raw, like the thoughts in my head

lately i've been reading a lot on the internet; not books, but things like instagram captions, poems, scripts, blogs and articles. what's caught my attention is, most of this revolves around love, how we fall in love, how we feel when we're in love, how we fall out of love, or how we grow & learn in love. i guess it is a fundamental part of us, not just people, but the entire universe when you think about it. i often loose myself thinking about love, and helplessly, love always come with a person or two in my mind, which is fine, but sometimes, this gets in my way of embracing solitude. i believe i've grown up with a very social life, while being independent and introverted. it's funny how things in life are grey and even that grey has more than 50 shades. i'm this contradiction of a whole lot of things, and the one contradiction that juggles my feelings for being in love, is how ambition runs in my head and compassion in my heart- a lot of what i'm saying right now may not be making sense to you, but that's how thoughts run in my head, and i'm just pouring it out, unfiltered

ambition has been that one thing which pushes me to get up and get things done. it has kept me moving forward in life, however, compassion has been the other thing that sometimes overlooks ambition and takes me on a different path. how this connects to love, is the definitions these contradictions create for me. for the ambition in my head, love is the love within myself, and for the compassion in my heart, love is what I give and get from others. caught up between the two, in the coming days, i've decided to incline slightly more towards the love within myself. doesn't mean I plan on being heartless and uncompassionate, but I want to be more comfortable with the company I hold with myself, so that when I am with someone else, I do not seek anything from them other than their company, and just be able to maintain relationships without asking for anything but their genuine selves. because at this point in time, I feel like whenever I meet someone i'm building relationships based on how they can be beneficial to me, my career or my future, and I do not want that to be the reason for why I know someone. i'd rather know someone because they smiled at me at the train station, or because they purchased a triple shot espresso at 5pm, or because they just spent 5 mins staring at the tea aisle at the grocery store. so, to be a bit more selfless, I guess I need to bit more comfortable with myself

so this is what all that you've read so far is about- self love. I could've just jumped right into it after disclaimer, but then you wouldn't have known that I'm a contradiction, that my thoughts flow faster than the rivers in Nepal, and why it is so important for me to be a little in love, with myself first 

2.19am